The Tear Catcher: Written by Lynn Mackenzie

# 10

Trust

                I remember when I was a young girl, probably in Jr. High.  My brothers had a poster hanging in their room.  It was of a beautiful sunset with shades of oranges and reds.  There was of a silhouette of a young girl sitting on the top of a rocky mountain.  She was looking at the sunset and she was alone.  The words on the bottom of the poster read:

 

I believe in the sun, even when it goes down.

I believe in love, even when I am alone.

I believe in God, even when he is silent.

 

                I found myself reminiscing and asking, “Do I believe in God even when He is silent?”  Do you believe in God even when he is silent?   Do you even believe in God? 

                As a young girl, I thought how cool it would be to have such a trusting faith in our God when we face tragedies in life and God seems to go silent.  How great when we have that blind faith in God, when we physically can’t see Him, yet we still believe.  I discovered I was no longer in the position where I had to “THINK” what it would be like; instead, I was now in that place where I needed to blindly trust in God’s promises because I was in it – I was living it out!  I found myself repeating over and over in my head:  When you can’t see God’s hand, trust His heart.

                Where are you at?  Do you still believe even when God seems to go silent?  You pray and pray and it seems God is not listening or even cares?  Go to Him.  Tell him of your frustration and doubt.  Then release it.

 

Father God:

 

I come to you with a transparent heart.  I struggle with believing you’re actually there when I can’t see you, feel you, or even think you hear me.  Forgive me for my doubting and my unbelief.  Fill me with your Holy Spirit who brings comfort and peace and may my faith be restored.  Amen

 

So don’t worry, because I am with you.  Don’t be afraid, because I am your God.  I make you strong and will help you; I will support you with my right hand that saves you.

                                                                – Isaiah 41:10

 

#9

Confidence in Salvation

                The last important thing we needed to do before we went home after Bruce had told me the news was to tell our Pastor.  From my office, we phoned the church (which was just across the alley from the school).  When we reached the Office Administrator, we asked for Pastor Paul.  We were told that he wasn’t in and wasn’t expected to come in for the rest of the day.  We left a message for Pastor Paul to call.

                I no sooner had I put the key into the ignition when all Pastor Paul’s truck pulled up to the church.  I immediately called Bruce on my cell phone.  “Turn around…where ever you are.  Pastor Paul just drove up.”  I then yelled at Pastor Paul to “Wait up we need to tell you Bruce’s medical news.”

                In Pastor Paul’s office, Bruce led the conversation and I felt like I was suffocating.  The air seemed stale and thick.  It was as if the air smelled heavy and burnt.  Was I actually choking or just fighting back another round of tears?  Oh Lord, wake me up!

                I don’t really remember everything Bruce told Pastor Paul, but there is one thing that will forever resonate in my memory.  The three of us were sitting on chairs in a triangle fashion facing each other.  Pastor Paul was leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees.  He was so serious.  Concern and sadness encompassed his face.  It was almost as if he was searching for words to say to comfort Bruce and I, but no words would come.  Breaking the silence, Bruce announced to us very confidently something I’ll never forget.  He said, “I look at it this way…I win either way!  I win if God heals me physically and I’m able to stay here on earth for a while longer with my family and friends and I win if God calls me home to spend eternity with Him.  But hey, either way I WIN!”

                At that very moment, I realized that I had no reason to question or ask why.  I didn’t even have any right to complain.  God allowed this mountain to be placed smack dab in the middle of our road and it was now up to us to allow God to lead us through this journey – because, no matter which way this turns out, we all win for those who are belong to Christ.  Can you say that?

 

 Dear God:

Thank you for sending your son Jesus Christ who paid the price of my sins.  It is through Jesus Christ that I now can declare my freedom to win either way.  For to live is to live for You.  To die is to be with You.

 

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 

                                                                                                                                – Phil. 1:21

# 8

Joy in the Journey

 

                The presence of the Lord has never ceased to amaze me.  From the very day Bruce drove to the school to tell me about the phone call he received from the doctor, it was clear to us that God was surrounding us in every way possible.  He had orchestrated it all. 

                When Bruce received the phone call that changed his life he was at home.  He hadn’t planned to be, but plans changed and he was able to go home for lunch.  Later, I shouldn’t have been in my office when Bruce came to tell me “the news”.  Actually, we both had prior plans to take our secretaries out for secretary’s day.  That, my friends, was all God ordained.  After Bruce had told me the terrible news, I needed to take care of a few items at school in order to leave for home with Bruce.  I hated to leave Bruce in my office alone so I told him he should call his good friend. 

                Bruce dialed up his friend Paul only to find out that Paul was standing outside my office door to go on a field trip with his daughter Hannah.  I, in return, went upstairs to tell my secretary I needed to leave and the news we just received.  Looking up I saw my good friend Laurie appear and I pulled her into the empty first grade classroom to pour my heart out to her.  Before I could even think of my children, Laurie did.  She took our children (9 and 12) after school so we could have some time alone.  

                I remember thinking that Laurie and Paul seemed to have fallen right out of the sky at the very moment we needed them most.  What were the chances of Paul & Laurie being at the school, in the exact places they were and available to us at the very moment we needed them?   There was no coincidence in these circumstances. I’ve learned with God there are only “God-incidences”.  If we couldn’t see God’s hand in our heartache by now, then we were spiritually blind.

                Where is God in your circumstances?  Do you have the eyes to see his presence in every visual and unseen way?  Do you count it pure joy when you see those glimpses of God in your situation?

 

Heavenly Father:

Thank you for caring about the smallest of details in all my circumstances.  Thank you for revealing yourself to me when I need to know you are there and assuring me that I don’t need to walk this journey alone.  Amen

 

You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.

                              Acts 2:28 

                                                           

#6

Perseverance

Completing yet another one of the myriad of tests that needed to be taken, a CT scan was about to get underway.  The day was incredibly windy and just like the weather outside, the wind inside me was churning up a change in seasons.

Waiting for Bruce to complete another procedure, I scanned my surroundings.  The waiting room was filled with people of all ages.  The chairs were full and there was standing room only.  Muffled sounds fill the air as people carried on conversations.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand what people were saying, but it was more like I was in a dream.  I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong.  Maybe I really wasn’t there and this was a dream.  Who was I kidding?  Life was surreal.  My thoughts kept wondering why all the other people in that waiting room were there and what type of aliment had turned their world upside down.  Surely, it couldn’t be as bad as what Bruce and I were facing.  Tears kept threatening to trickle down my face but with every ounce of strength I had, I fought them back.

We were only a few days into this new journey and I seemed to be questioning everything.  Each day brought about new trials and already I was tired.  Scripture kept coming to mind and I knew I should be joyful in these trials.  Another oxymoron I needed to wrestle with.

What trials are dragging you down?  What answers are you wrestling with?  Where are you finding strength to carry on.  Are you finding joy in the journey?  I challenge you to claim God’s promises for your life.  Claim them today and cherish them for the rest of your days.  Do it now and you too can find joy in the journey.

 

 

 

Heavenly Father:

 

I’ve only begun the new journey I travel and I’m already tired.  I can’t seem to find purpose in my suffering and joy is no where to be found.  I pray for joy in the journey and may you give me the perseverance to trudge forward as you walk beside me, supplying my every need.

 

 

 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

                                                                                                                                – James 1:2-4

# 5

Fear

I met Bruce outside my office.  He was wearing a suit, shinny black shoes and a beautiful long black wool coat.  He looked so handsome, professional, and perfect.  I walked ahead of him into my office and in turning toward Bruce, he grabbed my hands.  The air in my office seemed so stale, so motionless.  I couldn’t get the air I needed to breath.  Without hesitation, Bruce told me the cause of his back pain was stemming from tumors…and they are presenting themselves in multiple places. 

“Why Lord?  Why now?  Bruce is one of yours…why would you want to risk his life at a time when he can do so much for you?”

I didn’t understand.  I wanted to wake up.

“Please, someone, wake me up.”  

“What about the kids?”

How do you tell your children that their Daddy has tumors that are presenting themselves in multiple places?  What a joke!  What an ugly thing to say.  I knew it was cancer – but how do you tell your children that such a terrible judgment has just been placed on their Daddy, whom they love so much. 

Later that evening we would tell the kids.  It was one of the hardest things the two of us have ever done together.  I’ll never forget their reactions. 

Nicole cried.  Blake simply said, “Dad, are you going to die?”

 

What paralyzing fear is constricting your heart?  Where do you go when you’re at a loss for words?  How do you respond when life hands you a bucket of lemons?  In all things we are to praise God, but how do you praise God when fear encompasses your very being. 

We’re told when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  Clichés are cute, but no one ever tells you how to turn things around…to make sense out of the senseless.  God does.  We just need to ask.

Dear God:

My life is a mess right now.  Life has given me lemons and I don’t even have the strength to squeeze them to make something good come out of this.  I’m scared Lord and can’t even imagine what tomorrow will look like if today is this dark. Please help me and take over this paralyzing fear I feel.  Through the power of your Holy Spirit, may you give me the strength and your peace to face another day.”

 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

                                                                                                John 14:27

# 4

Prayer/Hope

When my husband received a chilling phone call one spring afternoon and heard the terrible news he indeed did have cancer; life ceased as he knew it. Through tears of fear Bruce fell to his knees at the foot of the recliner and cried out to God in a trembling voice. He knew he’d have share this news with his wife and two children.

“God, this has to be ALL ABOUT YOU. It has to be all about You in me, about You through me and about You in everything I am and do…because there is NOTHING within me to get through this. Make it about YOU GOD – all about YOU!”

I have to wonder what I would have done if that would have been me on the receiving end of that phone call. What would you have done if it were you? Shy of feeling kicked in the gut, would you have feel to your knees crying out to God in utter anguish?

Life is all about choices. We can choose to include God in our trials or tough it alone. Frankly, I knew I wouldn’t be as tough as I’d like to be nor would I have the strength to bear the burden alone.

Bruce’s prayer was immediately answered and continued until the very day he met his Creator face to face. What a glorious reunion that must have been. When Bruce was weak, God was strong.

What decisions are you facing today where you have some major choices to make? Are you going to ask God to walk beside you or better yet, carry you through some trying times or are you going to ignore the fact that your Creator wants to shepherd you in every avenue that life takes you? Ask Him today. Ask Him now. Don’t let your ego and stubbornness prevent you from seeking solace when the world can provide none.

 

Dear Father,

In your word you tell me that when I am weak you are strong. I am facing a trial right now in my life and I’m not sure if I have the strength to carry on. Please carry this burden for me. God, this has to be all about you. It has to be all about you in me, about you through me and about you in everything I am and do…because there is nothing within me to get through this. Make it about you God – all about you.”

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power ma rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Cor. 12:8-10

# 3

Tragedy

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was my 41^st birthday that Sunday and we spent the weekend at my mom’s. Bruce, my husband wasn’t feeling well and I recall that he had to get up in the middle of the night and sleep downstairs on the recliner. That weekend he complained of pain in his back and being unusually tired. Bruce had been under a LOT of stress and I had to wonder if these stress’s were starting to affect him physically.

My 41^st birthday came and went. Even though Bruce had a full physical only 3 weeks prior, the next day, Bruce went back to his physician to see why he was short of breath and having pain in his back. A major discovery was found with a simple chest x-ray.

Bruce called me at school and told me that something was wrong. The chest x-ray revealed that his right chest cavity was all white. It was called a pleural effusion.

“What was that?”, I asked.

“They said that the wall between the lung and the chest cavity was filled with fluid.”

“What kind of fluid was it? Was it bad? Was it a form of pneumonia?”

Pneumonia was what I was hoping for. After all, that would be a quick fix, I thought.

What was happening? My husband was healthy, well liked, had a good job, and was active in the community and in our church. How could something that appeared to be so bad be happening to my other half, to my spouse? No one knows the pain a spouse feels until they are in a situation like this.

One flesh. Somehow that had taken on a new meaning. I now understood what the bible verse in Matthew was saying. When Bruce hurt, I hurt. The pain gnawed at me and I ached in the depths of places I didn’t even know existed.

My faith was being tested and stretched in a way that felt like growing pains. I needed to trust God and believe that he heard my cries. My faith needed to be strong.

 

I cried out in prayer “Why is this happening to us God? Why now? Do you even hear me? My heart aches. Can you feel my pain God? Please answer me, I can’t hear you. Where are you?”

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

– Matt. 19:5

# 2

Strength

               

                I bet if I asked you right now if you have ever experienced a trial in your life that was of any size, shape or color, you’d say, “Well, ya!”  I even bet, if I asked you if you have faced a tragedy in your life that was totally unexpected and changed your life as you knew it, you’d say, “Hasn’t everyone?”

                I don’t care what your age is or what your circumstances were when you grew up; no one skates through life without a scratch, bruise, cut, broken bone, or broken heart.  If you think you are one of those unscathed people, don’t count yourself so lucky so quickly.  Your time has either come and you refused to accept it, or your time has yet to come.   How many people do you know that have: marriage problems, sickness in their families, financial problems, faced depression, lost their jobs, have been betrayed by family members or friends, sexually abused or seen death up close and personal?

                Life can take on so many unexpected twists and turns.  It can change its face a thousand times without ever asking your permission.  You can write daily “to do” lists, or meet with Financial Advisors to plan out your future, go to college, get a degree, plan a family and so many other things.  Then, out of the blue – BAM, an unexpected trial or tragedy is standing right in front of you, looking at you smack dab in your face.  What do you do?  How do you act?  You didn’t plan for this and now your world has turned totally upside down, YOU DON’T LIKE THE VIEW!  Your world is suddenly shaken.

                God promises to be with us always.  With Him at our side our world cannot be shaken to the point of destruction.  If your world is shaken – is God there with you?  Is He walking beside you?  Have you invited Him into your sorrow and conflict?

 

                Dear Father:

                I pray you walk before me, beside me and within me in this new journey.  Through you I pray for strength to stand tall when the ground under me is rocked and the walls around me are shaken.  Be my stronghold in every way.  Amen.

 

               

I have set the Lord always before me.  Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

                                                                                                                                – Ps. 16:8